Jesse Kauffman

August 27, 2025

For most of my life, I judged and rejected masculinity.

As a boy, I was bullied and mocked by other boys. Many of the male authority figures in my life also felt harsh and cruel. My dad was part of that picture back then—though today, I can honestly say he’s amazing and I love him dearly. Later came employers who dismissed me, the bishop and ministers who excommunicated me, and school board members who refused to rehire me—three different schools, three different rejections. Each one cut deep.

Everywhere I looked, men in authority seemed to tear me down instead of build me up.

So I drew my conclusion: men were only about sports, hunting, guns, and hobbies I despised. Camping or “roughing it”? Forget it. I mocked those things so loudly that eventually the guys stopped inviting me altogether.

Where did I turn? Toward the softer, more feminine side of myself. I poured into music, art, reading, musicals (yes, stage makeup with the ladies), and dancing. I felt at ease around girls, but only as a friend. Even my body language carried a softer edge. No, I wasn’t gay—I was very much attracted to women. But since I lacked masculine confidence, they mostly saw me as the nice, safe friend. And I rarely pursued them.

Then God brought Carlos Campos into my life (https://www.skool.com/epicyourlife/about?ref=c04373b711234c93bfe58b0121a2e484).

He called it out immediately: I wasn’t balanced. I was avoiding masculinity. His challenge? Face it head-on. Start doing the very things I had judged and dismissed—and do them alongside other men.

So I did.

Completed a Spartan Trifecta Race in one weekend
Shot guns
Trained in Krav Maga
Played rough sports
Worked out and jogged
Went hunting and bagged my first deer
Embraced the outdoors I once mocked

Did I love every second of it? No. But I loved the result.

I felt alive. The “hoo-rah” came out of me. I felt like a man because I did something hard—something that cost me blood, sweat, and tears—and I overcame it. “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).

And this connects directly to how I got married.

Irina admitted that the first time she saw me on video, she thought I looked boyish—friend material, nothing more. But as I grew in masculine confidence, her perspective shifted. Suddenly I wasn’t just the nice guy. I became attractive. That confidence opened the door for us to connect, and in time, I won her heart.

Here’s the truth I had to face: In judging other men, I judged masculinity itself. And by rejecting it, I rejected part of me. That left me unbalanced.

Now I see it differently. It’s not about being all masculine or all soft—it’s about balance born of forgiveness and healing. Embracing both strength and gentleness. Both grit and grace. Both the Spartan race and the musical stage. Just as Yeshua embodied “grace and truth” (John 1:14), we too are called to live in fullness, not in halves.

I don’t know who this is for, but if it resonates, hear me: Forgive the men who hurt you. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Stop rejecting the masculine. Push yourself to do something hard. Sweat. Strain. Hurt a little. Conquer a challenge.

You may be surprised by what it unlocks in you—and who it attracts.

If this stirred something in you and you’re ready for the next step, I invite you to connect with us.