Fannie Beiler
June 17, 2023
I would like to share about when Jesus came into my life. I became a new creature in Him, and my life changed drastically.
I am fully aware that by sharing what I would like to share, it could cost me my relationship with my family who is Amish. I have been blessed in recent years, to have had contact with my family after many years of separation due to the Amish teachings on separation from family members who refuse to follow their religion. My family and I now have conversations about Jesus, but I know that if certain Amish found out that I am talking about my faith in Jesus, they would likely succeed in ending both those spiritual conversations and the contact I now have with my family. However, in spite of the potential cost, I feel compelled to share for the sake the Gospel.
I was born and raised in the Amish religion where I was taught to say that I believe that Jesus is God’s Son. However, I was not taught to confess it and as with with many Amish, I did not believe it. I was taught as Amish teach, that I could have a hope that I was on my way to Heaven, but I could not know for sure that I was going there. I had a clear understanding that if I were to die as a non-Amish person, there would be little to no hope of me getting into Heaven. The Amish interpreted God’s Word to benefit their way of life.
I was in my early twenties when I started work as a babysitter for non-Amish families. I continued this kind of work up until almost the time when I came out of the Amish. At one point, some Amish wanted to stop my work as a babysitter. They felt I was interacting too much with outsiders, and they had concerns that because of it, I might leave the Amish. However, God spared me. After almost nine years of babysitting for a Christian family on the weekends, they pointed out the way of the cross, and Jesus came into my life.
During the time that this Christian family was witnessing to me it was very hard for me to understand why. After all, were they not able to see that I was dressed in Amish clothes, and did they not know that someone such as myself knew all about the Bible that there was to know?
One day, the boys’ mother who I was working for simply pleaded with me. She said, “Just believe that Jesus is God’s Son.” I said that I do believe. She responded by saying that even the devil believes, but he quivers. I knew I was missing something.
I came home from my employer’s house that evening and could not understand how Jesus was to come and live inside of me. It seemed as though His physical presence were needed, but how was He to actually enter my body?
I went to bed that night, exhausted. I believe one of the reasons I was fighting this so strongly is because I knew that if Jesus was to be in my life, it could mean severe rejection from my family. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making a mistake.
I fell asleep in bed but woke up within an hour. I was done fighting. It didn’t matter anymore who was right or who was wrong. It didn’t matter anymore if my family would forever reject me. I received the gift. I believed that there really was this man, Jesus, who lived on this earth and died on the cross 2,000 years ago. I believed that He died for me.
Within the hour, I knew that I would not be able to remain Amish. I knew that I would not be able to continue and subject myself to teachings that had led me to Hell thus far. However, it took the next year and a half before I made it out.
That year and a half was by far the most difficult time of my life ever. I was living in extreme mental anguish. I remember thinking that it seemed as though it would be better to be tortured physically like that of the persecuted church then to live in the sin I was living in. It was required of me to verbally say within the Amish religious services that I agreed to their teachings. I lied to this four times a year by saying that I agreed. I was gathering with others to serve God where His Word was interpreted to maintain the Amish lifestyle. I also felt as though I was being watched by the world in my Amish clothes while fully aware of the fact that people seemed to believe that the Amish are a God-fearing people. I felt like a hypocrite.
Finally, at about four months before the day came that the Lord delivered me out of this religion, He comforted me in His Word through Psalms 31:2-5. In the following four months, many times a day, over and over I prayed these verses to God. It is absolutely amazing that everything I prayed for in these verses played out on that day that Jesus delivered me out of the Amish.
Psalms 31:2 says, “Bow down thine ear to me, and deliver me speedily. I would envision the Lord bringing His ear down to my lips while I was crying out and pleading with Him to deliver me.
I watched as my parents increasingly suffered in mental distress because of pressure coming from the Amish. I was no longer quiet about my faith in Jesus, and it was causing much trouble for them. The memories of it break my heart to this day. I believe that the number one reason as to why most Amish believers never make it out of this religion is because they feel the need to spare their parents from the indescribable sorrow and suffering caused by the separation of family members by Amish leaders. This was the reason that I myself was not able to simply come out on that day when Jesus became my Lord.
It wasn’t long until my parents learned that I was in God’s Word daily. To be in God’s Word every day was a sure sign of trouble for an Amish person; leaders knew that many times such a person would not remain faithful to Amish teachings.
I had been taught, as other Amish were taught, to only read God’s Word on Sundays and to read it in German. Amish sermons are given in the German language, and many of the hymns they sing are sung in German. I believe the Gospel message is not being received among them because they have a very poor understanding of the German language. I am tremendously thankful that eventually my parents did allow me to own an English Bible. It was through the English Bible that I started to question the teachings of the Amish.
Eventually, my family and I were expected to be in family counseling because of my faith in Jesus. There was a time in my young Amish life that the Amish would not allow counseling in their culture. However, with time, they learned that there were counselors who would work to protect their religion, and with these counselors, they permitted counseling.
I tried to speak of my faith in Jesus in these family sessions, but even the counselor did not want to hear of it. It saddens me to say that counselors who appeared to be Christians were involved in holding these sessions.
In the last few days before God delivered me out of the Amish religion, my mom was hardly eating at all. She would lie on the couch nibbling on bread just so she could get some food in her stomach. She knew that if I left the Amish she might not see me again for a very long time, and she knew that our relationship would probably never be the same again.
I will say that in recent contact with my mother our relationship has not been the same, and I am very thankful. My mother and I now have conversations about Jesus, and our relationship is by far better than it ever was before.
The day finally came that God had planned for me to come out of the Amish. I had not planned this day myself because in my mind it did not seem possible. I had been working outside of my home at the time, and I was upstairs getting ready for work. I went downstairs to pack my lunch and eat breakfast. When I got to the kitchen, there was this Amish lady standing there all dressed up. There was not a doubt in my mind as to why she was there. I was scheduled to be put in a mental institute for Amish because of my faith in Jesus. In this institute I would have been prescribed medication for depression while I was suffering severe oppression.
I told my mom that if this is what they are going to do to me then I was leaving, and I meant the Amish. She just looked at me and didn’t say a word. I believe she felt confident that the Amish had finally gained complete control of my life.
I went back upstairs, and this lady and my family all followed me. I sat on my bed, and everyone surrounded me. At one point, after quite some time, I finally managed to get up. I reached into my closet for my cell phone, stuck it in my purse, and with my purse, I went to the bathroom. I do not know what would have happened had the Amish known that I had a cell phone, and I thank God that I do not know.
I went into the bathroom and with the bath towel wrapped around my phone I tried calling for help, but no one was answering their phone. I finally texted a friend for help. My friend was a missionary for the Amish at the time.
I had not been able to lock the bathroom door behind me, and so my mom came in. I quickly hid my phone. This is where Psalm 31:3 comes into play. It says, “For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.”
I looked at my mom. I took off my prayer covering, let down my hair, and took off my apron. My mom fled out of the bathroom. As an Amish person, to do what I had just done while other Amish were gathering at the house meant that I was mentally ill. However, the Lord was leading me and guiding me. This time, I was able to contact the pastor’s wife who lived down the road from me. I quickly told her that I needed her to come get me, and she said she would be right there.
When I got out of the bathroom, the Amish lady was singing hymns. I went into my bedroom where more Amish had gathered. By this time, I was shaking visibly. I sat down in a chair in hopes that I would be able to regain control over myself.
After quite some time, I heard voices downstairs, and I felt sure they were not the voices of the Amish. The Amish speak in low tones, and these were loud voices. I felt sure that help had arrived, so I went downstairs. When I got downstairs, I was stunned to see three police officers standing in a room filled with Amish people. My friends, who were waiting outside, later told me that when the police arrived onto the property, they had said that they do not know if they can get involved because these are Amish people. They asked my friends, “Why doesn’t she just walk out of the house?” The husband of the pastor’s wife had arrived onto the property by this time as well, and he finally asked the police if they would just please step inside to see whether I was okay. The police agreed to do so. However, by this time, my missionary friend had made his 45-minute ride to my house, and he showed the police my text message for help. The police decided to act immediately and enter the house.
When the police entered the house, they were able to see that this indeed was a hostage situation. The Amish crowded up closely to the officers, trying to convince them that I was mentally unstable and needed to remain in their care. The Amish know that many times they can successfully persuade outside authority, including our state and federal governments, to believe that no outside intervention is ever necessary, because they have complete control of any problems within their culture.
This time, however, the police were being pressured by my friends waiting outside. The police told the Amish that because there was no power of attorney and because I was 37 years of age, there was nothing anyone could do to keep me there or take me anywhere against my will.
If I had called the police on my own, I do not believe I would have made it out of my house that day. I know an Amish man who had a very similar experience to mine, and he managed to call the police. When the police arrived, they refused to help him because of the Amish people that were present. The Amish man did not have the outside support of friends like I did, and he ended up at the mental institute for Amish.
I also had friends, who had family members move into the house with them, so that they would not be able to make it out of their house and the Amish religion. These friends finally took their baby and young child and left the house in the middle of the night. They found help through their non-Amish neighbors.
As for my situation, my friends were waiting outside, and the church was praying for me. One Amish man, in a final angry attempt trying to persuade the police that I needed to remain in their care, said that I was suicidal. The police immediately assured him that if this was the case, then it was not going to be within his power to handle the situation. Psalm 31:2 says, “Be thou my strong rock, for an house of defense to save me.” It was as though I was surrounded by a strong house made of rock, and the Holy Spirit was protecting me.
I was escorted out of my house that day, of which I had part ownership of. As I walked out, my father said, “Goodbye” to me. With three police cars on the property, it was the saddest goodbye I ever said to my Father.
My friends were waiting outside and were greatly relieved to see me come walking out. Psalms 31:4 says, “Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me:” The Amish, without informing me, had called my work that day to say that I wouldn’t be in because I was sick. Without me knowing about it, they had also canceled my ride to work. They had privately laid this net for me, and I will be forever thankful, because God heard my cry and pulled me out.
I have since learned that Amish who have had similar experiences as mine were unable to find the strength to make it out of the Amish religion even after the police arrived. Psalms 31:4 continues with, “for thou art my strength.” God was my strength, and I was only able to do what I did with His strength alone.
Since I have come out of the Amish, I was told by a police officer that they are aware of unlicensed mental health care facilities and facilities made to house men guilty of incest. The police officer said that the only way anything can be done about these facilities is if a group of Amish were to speak against it.
Here again, as an Amish person, I was not protected under U.S. law because of unlicensed mental health care facilities. If I had not had the strength to make it out of the Amish as I did, I would have become institutionalized because of my faith in Jesus. Psalms 31:5 says, “Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth.” I knew that the Lord had redeemed me, and with my life committed in His hand, it was the God of truth who set me free! He is truth!
The Amish are permitted by law to deny a secondary education to their members. They live in fear of oppression from their leaders should they leave their religion, and those who have made it out have done so for the purpose of being free from bondage. How is it justified that this ruling is considered freedom of religion?
I continue to not be fully protected as a formerly Amish. The Amish do not always have to abide by US law, and with that, the leaders gain tremendous power over their members. My family is now being controlled by the Amish to live their lives separated from mine. It is an injustice that the hard earned tax dollars of both Amish and formerly Amish are not being used to protect both them and their family members.
I have been asked by different people, since I have come out of the Amish, about whether there is a time in a young Amish persons life where they can choose to leave the Amish or stay. It is not meant for anyone to ever have that choice. If they are given that choice, then it is usually kept secret among family members. Even though many Amish boys and girls drive cars or truck and dress in non-Amish clothes, they are still under extreme pressure by both family members and the community to one day come back as members of their religion.
The Amish believe that they have to keep both my family and the community separated from me so that I do not deceive them in the way that they believe I have been deceived since Jesus came into my life. They are also hopeful that the pain of living isolated from my family will cause me to become quiet about my faith in Jesus and will cause me to become Amish again.
Please pray that God will bring salvation and deliverance to the Amish people. Also, please pray that the Lord will send out laborers to reach the Amish for Christ as the fields are ripe for harvest.
For anyone interested in learning more about the Amish and ways to help, you can go to mapministry.org. Joe Keim, who founded MAP, is an ex-Amish and has a deep desire to reach Amish for Christ. He can be contacted through this site.
This letter has been published with permission from the owner.
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I have sensed the presence of demons 3 times in my life. Once was when I walked by a room in Mexico used to worship false Gods. The last time was when I stopped at an Amish home to drop off food for the funeral dinner of a friend's father. The sense of lostness was almost tangible.