By Geneva Yoder
March 1, 2012
I met the Lord as a young Amish girl and I came out of the Amish some years later. It was a difficult thing to walk through the mine field of emotions and feelings I had during that time. Sometimes the pain and anger would explode inside of me so quickly, it was like stepping on a mine.
In my early walk with the Lord I knew Him as my Lord and Savior but it took some time to get to know Him as my Father. I wanted so much to serve Him as my Master and I loved Him as my Savior but I didn't know Him as my Abba Father. I didn't know my Father wanted to help me make it through the mine field and to live in victory over all the things that hurt so badly. I had to learn to how receive love from Him.
If I can help you by sharing my journey through the mine field and the things I learned while walking it out in my daily life, I would be honored to do so.
God created us with a spirit, a soul and a body. Our soul is where our emotions come from. Think about the pain you feel when you hit your thumb with a hammer versus the pain you feel when your parents say "Don't come home anymore! You aren't welcome in our house because you left the Amish!" One is pain in your body and the other is pain in your soul. This will help you identify the difference.
I tried to be tough and not feel hurt by the things said and done to me by the Amish people. I tried to shrug it off and pretend I didn't care. But I did care. It hurt me deeply to be rejected completely by the people I loved and it made me angry.
I didn't know my heavenly Father understood and He hurt because I hurt. I didn't know He could help me get rid of the pain and heal. I didn't even know He wanted to help me in this way. I thought I had to fix myself and I did a lot of acting. I pretended to be happy and free hoping that would make me so.
The home I grew up in was a place of upheaval and conflict. Things happened that were very painful for me as a child and young adult. Because of this, the emotions of my soul were raw and exposed when I finally did leave the Amish. I had unseen wounds that had been unable to heal for years because they kept getting ripped open.
One of the responsibilities we have as parents is to provide a safe place for our children to mature. When our children get hurt in their bodies we provide care and extra attention until they heal. We also help them heal from wounds inflicted to their soul by giving them a "safe place" to express their pain. A trusted place that will feel their hurt with them and bring comfort to them. As Christians our "safe place" is in our Father God's loving Presence.
As a beloved child of my Father, He never fails to provide me with a "safe place" to grow and heal. He never fails in His responsibilities as a Father and will pour the healing oil of the Holy Spirit to pour onto my wounds. Remember, Jesus said the Holy Spirit is our Comforter.
I learned by trial and error that my Father God could heal me if I came to Him and just poured out my heart to Him. It was such a relief to find this "safe place" in His presence. Alone in my room, I knelt before the Lord on more then one occasion, weeping and telling Him how I felt. I could tell Him I felt anger, bitterness, self-pity and even hatred at times. I could tell Him I knew it was wrong to feel this way but I had no power to turn the feelings off. I could be that honest with Him and He wasn't going to be shocked or leave me. He is touched by the feelings of my infirmities.
But after each session of such ugly honesty before Him, He would offer His healing to me. I would have to give up the "right" to feel the anger, bitterness, hatred and self-pity for all the wrongs done to me. I would have to forgive. I believe this is where many people miss it and why many never experience real healing and deliverance. Forgiveness does not mean to pretend it never happened, but rather a willingness to let it go.
"Letting it go" is not being strong enough to shake it off or cast these things from me. I tried that and they just hung on. "Letting it go" is asking my Father to take them from me and out of me. His burden is light and His yoke is easy.
I had to make a decision each time to say from my heart "Lord, I know it is wrong to feel this way and I don't want it in my life. I can't change myself but I am willing to let you change me and make me whole. I want to be like Jesus and bring glory to you." If I will confess it and surrender it to Him, he will remove the sin and the pain.
Sometimes I had to be honest and admit to the Lord I wasn't willing to let Him change me. I had to step back and say "Lord, help me! Make me willing to be willing! Soften my heart so that I can surrender to your will." Sometimes it feels good to our flesh to dwell on how we have been wronged.
There is a time to share our pain with other Christians, and that is part of bearing each other's burdens, but after crying with you, an obedient Christian will lead you to the healing stream of the blood of Jesus where you can be cleansed, changed and walk in victory.
Does this mean we will eventually get to the place where things that happen to us have no more power to hurt us? No, we weren't created to be robots, we were created to walk with the Lord and to feel His tender love and acceptance. Experiencing His love and acceptance will far out way anything man can do or say to us. We can walk in victory and freedom. We are more conquerors through Him who loves us!
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