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Dee ’ s News
Vo l ume 3 I ssue 2
I met the Lord as a
young Amish girl and I
came out of the Amish
some years later. It was
a difficult thing to walk
through the mine field
of emotions and feel-
ings I had during that
time. Sometimes the
pain and anger would
explode inside of me so quickly, it was
like stepping on a mine.
In my early walk with the Lord I
knew Him as my Lord and Savior but it
took some time to get to know Him as
my Father. I wanted so much to serve
Him as my Master and I loved Him as
my Savior but I didn't know Him as my
Abba
Father. I didn't know my Father
wanted to help me make it through the
mine field and to live in victory over all
the things that hurt so badly. I had to
learn to how receive love from Him.
If I can help you by sharing my jour-
ney through the mine field and the things
I learned while walking it out in my daily
life, I would be honored to do so.
God created us with a spirit, a soul and a
body. Our soul is where our emotions
come from. Think about the pain you
feel when you hit your thumb with a
hammer versus the the pain you feel
when your parents say "Don't come
home any more! You aren't welcome in
our house because you left the
Amish!" One is pain in your body and
the other is pain in your soul. This will
help you identify the difference.
I tried to be tough and not feel hurt
by the things said and done to me by the
Amish people. I tried to shrug it off and
pretend I didn't care. But I did care. It
hurt me deeply to be rejected completely
by the people I loved and it made me
angry.
I didn't know my heavenly Father
understood and He hurt because I hurt. I
didn't know He could help me get rid of
the pain and heal. I didn't even know He
wanted to help me in this way. I thought
I had to fix myself and I did a lot of act-
ing. I pretended to be happy and free
hoping that would make me so.
The home I grew up in was a place
of upheaval and conflict. Things hap-
pened that were very painful for me as a
child and young adult. Because of this,
the emotions of my soul were raw and
exposed when I finally did leave the
Amish. I had unseen wounds that had
been unable to heal for years because
they kept getting ripped open.
One of the responsibilities we have
as parents is to provide a safe place for
our children to mature. When our chil-
dren get hurt in their bodies we provide
care and extra attention until they heal.
We also help them heal from wounds
inflicted to their soul by giving them a
"safe place" to express their pain. A
trusted place that will feel their hurt with
them and bring comfort to them. As
Christians our "safe place" is in our Fa-
ther God's loving Presence.
As a beloved child of my Father, He
never fails to provide me with a "safe
place" to grow and heal. He never fails in
His responsibilities as a Father and will
pour the healing oil of the Holy Spirit to
pour onto my wounds. Remember, Jesus
said the Holy Spirit is our Comforter.
I learned by trial and error that my
Father God could heal me if I came to
Him and just poured out my heart to
Him. It was such a relief to find this "safe
place" in His presence. Alone in my
room, I knelt before the Lord on more
then one occasion, weeping and telling
Him how I felt. I could tell Him I felt
anger, bitterness, self pity and even ha-
tred at times. I could tell Him I knew it
was wrong to feel this way but I had no
power to turn the feelings off. I could be
that honest with Him and He wasn't go-
ing to be shocked or leave me. He is
touched by the feelings of my infirmities.
But after each session of such ugly hon-
esty before Him, He would offer His
healing to me. I would have to give up
the "right" to feel the anger, bitterness,
hatred and self pity for all the wrongs
done to me. I would have to forgive. I
believe this is where many people miss it
and why many never experience real heal-
ing and deliverance. Forgiveness does not
mean to pretend it never happened, but
rather a willingness to let it go.
"Letting it go" is not being strong
enough to shake it off or cast these
things from me. I tried that and they just
hung on. "Letting it go" is asking my
Father to take them from me and
out
of
me. His burden is light and His yoke is
easy.
I had to make a decision each time to
say from my heart "Lord, I know it is
wrong to feel this way and I don't want it
in my life. I can't change myself but I am
willing to let you change me and make
me whole. I want to be like Jesus and
bring glory to you." If I will confess it
and surrender it to Him, he will remove
the sin and the pain.
Sometimes I had to be honest and
admit to the Lord I wasn't willing to let
Him change me. I had to step back and
say "Lord, help me! Make me willing to
be willing! Soften my heart so that I can
surrender to your will." Sometimes it
feels good to our flesh to dwell on how
we have been wronged.
There is a time to share our pain
with other Christians, and that is part of
bearing each other’s burdens, but after
crying with you, an obedient Christian
will lead you to the healing stream of the
blood of Jesus where you can be
cleansed, changed and walk in victory.
Does this mean we will eventually
get to the place where things that happen
to us have no more power to hurt us?
No, we weren't created to be robots, we
were created to walk with the Lord and
to feel His tender love and acceptance.
Experiencing His love and acceptance
will far out way anything man can do or
say to us. We can walk in victory and
freedom. We are more conquerors
through Him who loves us!
Emotional Healing
by Geneva Yoder