Interview of a {former Amish} Woman (Part 1 of 2)
By Deborah Yoder
February 2, 2012
The following article was taken from If Meadows Speak.
Author and interviewer, Tammy, has graciously given us permission to repost her interview with Deborah (not her real name, for the sake of protection), a former Amish woman who shares what it was like when she and her family got excommunicated from the Amish church.
Part 1 of 2
The Crucible -- Interview of a {former Amish} Woman
Q: What is it about your faith that conflicted with the Amish order?
"Deborah": There is a scripture verse that comes to mind. John 4:24, God is a Spirit and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
Starting at a young age, even as a child I could see there were rules that just didn't make sense.
I'm sure I was a challenge to my parents because many times I would ask questions like "Why do we have to do it that way?" or "Why is this wrong?" The standard answers of "That's just the way we've always done it." or "Because the bishop said so." would never satisfy my sense of what was right and what was wrong.
As I got a little older and started to see some hypocrisy and double standards I had even more questions to which there were no satisfactory answers.
I was born into one of the more dysfunctional homes in our community. Into a home where the family regularly experienced a lot of pain from the rages of a father who had an uncontrollable temper. All of us did our best to hide what was happening in our house because to be "different" was something we dreaded, as most Amish do.
Acceptance and value comes from conformity and non-resistance to the "rules", not in standing out. Looking back, I believe the conflict in our home contributed to my desire to seek out truth because the pain in my life kept me from ever being comfortable or happy at that time.
When I met the Lord Jesus as a teenager I recognised the Truth I had been looking for. For years I had heard from the leaders in their bi-weekly sermons that it was "impossible to know that you are saved".
Using various methods, they explained to us the way to being right with God was to obey your parents and submit to the ministers, which we all knew meant to obey all the church rules.
When I met the Lord I knew they were wrong.
I immediately had a revelation by the Holy Spirit that I had been "saved" and my salvation had nothing to do with all their church rules. I knew it for months before I was able to find scriptures that proved it.
It became impossible for me to live under a belief system that I knew to be wrong in its interpretation of what was required for salvation.
Q: Do you feel like it was worth the sacrifice to leave?
"Deborah": I have only recently been able to dissect this part of my life into several different pieces or components:
1. Who the Amish are as a people.
2. My life growing up in their midst and then leaving the order.
3. My journey with the Lord that started while I was still a part of the order, a journey that continues yet today.
4. My complicated connection with the Amish that still exists because of relationships with family members that are still in the order and will remain there.
The answer to the this question involves several of the components I just mentioned. I do feel it was worth the sacrifice to leave because I left in obedience to the leading of the Lord.
I have the joy of the Lord and have no desire to go back. I am so thankful for the freedom that God has brought me into. Not just freedom of lifestyle but freedom to worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.
However, after all these years, sometimes I still feel a twinge of pain when I see certain interactions among them.
For instance, when I see a group of young mothers, small children peeking out from behind their skirts, chatting with that relaxed ease that comes from having known each other all their lives. Or when there is an accident, disaster or a death in the community and all the buggys start to pull in immediately with food, supplies and support for as long as it takes.
This kind of community life was a part of my life for many years but I am now an "outsider". They expect nothing from me and would be uncomfortable if I tried to be a part of these interactions.
I believe the Lord wants to bless His people with "community" but it is difficult to find it among His people today. True "community" is relationships that are based on the love of God for each other and the freedom of the Holy Spirit in our midst.
In conclusion, if I would have known before I left, how hard it would be to have all those emotional ties severed, I may not have had the courage to leave.
Nevertheless, looking back from the vantage point of freedom, by the grace of God I would do it all over again. Once I tasted of the all-encompassing love God has for me, I also began to experience from Him the value and acceptance my soul was so hungry for.
The Shunning -- Interview with a {former Amish} Woman
Q: Based on what you know of spiritual abuse, to what extent do you think the Amish community may experience this?
If this process fails and a person persists in refusing to comply, they will eventually be excommunicated.
The Amish culture is held together and revolves around their religious belief system. That belief system consists of traditions and good Biblical principles, mixed with misinterpreted scripture and superstition.
I would also say, "The harvest truly is great but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send laborers into His harvest." Luke 10:2
The Medicine -- Interview of a {formerly Amish} Woman
Q: Did you find Grace in your Christian life and how did you form a healthy view of God?
Deborah: I have found the grace of God to be vital in true forgiveness or any real change in my inner man.
For instance, I can mentally know I need to forgive and I can make a mental decision or choice to forgive, but only by the grace of God that comes through the working of the Holy Spirit, can true forgiveness take place in my heart. Wondrous Grace, that supernatural ability to be like Jesus.
I would like to add something here concerning the Grace of God.
I believe there are many people that have a misunderstanding of the Grace of God. There is this idea that Grace is like a sort of "magical blanket", if you will, that covers anything about us and in us that is not pleasing to the Lord. These things are covered by this "magical blanket of Grace" and He isn't able to see them.
I disagree with that idea and believe it is a great disservice to the people of God when they do not know about and partake of true Grace that is available to all believers.
The Grace of God is the supernatural ability of God to take any of those things you may feel like hiding from Him, change them or take them out of you and replace them with Himself. You will then become more and more like Him, not a "magic blanket covered" version of self.
There is a huge difference.
Q: What has the healing process been like for you since leaving your Amish roots?
Deborah: To be honest, for me much of the healing in my life has happened without me being aware of it, which is probably the case with most healing.
Time was a big factor I'm sure, time and some distance.
As for my personal healing process, He will often make me aware of some emotional connection that has the ability to cause pain in my life. I will then give Him that relationship or situation and invariably I will discover some time later that it no longer has the power to hurt me on a level that is detrimental to me
There was a grief process to go through when separated from family members but it is amazing how the Lord has been restoring some of those relationships for me. But they are very different then the relationships we had when I was in the Amish order because they are new, not a recycled version of the old.
They are on the basis of me being who I am versus me being who they want me to be.
I believe the Amish are a people in bondage to a belief system with cult-like tendencies.
The way the Lord explained it to me was as follows; the more individual personal choices that are taken from a people group, the closer it becomes to a cult.
The Amish do have a range of personal choices left to them, such as the freedom to choose a spouse and the freedom to choose a vocation however, there are some conditions to these choices. For the Amish, their choice of spouse also needs to be in the Amish order and their vocation choice is limited by the amount of education they are allowed to pursue.
Q: Have you found peace in Christ?
Deborah: Yes, I have found peace in Christ. Growth in all areas is a process but the Scripture is true....we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1
To read Part 2, please go to: The Outside -- Interview of a {formerly Amish} woman
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